Hopefully, Our lives will not end like a movie.

I started writing again.

I drink more tea then coffee now.
When I go out to eat, i still turn around like i'm about to ask you what you want.

I haven't been drinking lately.
I quit smoking.

It seems like i can't remember your eyes.
I remember your voice though, i wish i didn't.
I still remember mercy house coffee, i remember sitting out back watching you and your lover smoke, the coffee tasted like shit.

I've been reading too much lately.
I've been dreaming more then i've been seeing.
I've been singing; and I ain't sung a lick about you.

I've been looking for god everywhere, and in everything, i found a hole in him, bigger then the holes in my shoes, it's about the same size as the one in the middle of my chest, except there's a little bit of light inside mine, but i won't fall in, don't worry.  i won't even get close, unless that means  you'll grab my arms and hold me the way you did 'fore that beautiful little tree burnt down the forest before i hated the litlle blonde girl that ripped my lungs out, 'fore we rode that train south and paid change for our tickets,

I'm talking about when you were drunk in your basement,
and when we watched indie-gore-porn,
\ and when we sat atop Wallace,
and when we never kissed, 'cause that's not how or what we were,
 we were fiction, and we could control that, and i know we were just friends--I wouldn't want it any other way--but it seems like you were, and are the only one i've found to hold methat way, and i know it's mostly my fault, i got the two of you together,
and i know i don't feel comfortable when people touch me, but i think i'm getting better.

What i'm saying is that since we stopped being whatever we were,

"I've been lookin' for a chemical to make me feel a little more animal, and a little less real"-Joshua James

and that goes to you too LlamaGirl.